Before we started law school I remembered thinking when we were finished, Ev would be three.
She turned three yesterday.
For some reason, this milestone of my first child turning three has always been so huge in my mind. It marked the end of an era (poor student life) and the beginning of a new one (even poorer real life). It seemed like the end of law school was so far away when I had a four month old and we had just moved to Eugene. I vividly remember feeding Evie baby food in her bumbo and thinking, another three years of this? And my feelings about our experience with law school are best saved for another day, but the point is, the end of law school and Evie's third birthday were always a packaged deal for me.
I wish I could say I blinked and my tiny newborn turned three, but that's not completely true. While I cannot believe Evelyn is three, there have been times and phases of her life that felt like they'd never end. Of course, looking back on those times it does feel like more of a blink in most ways.
I'm so glad I've blogged semi-consistently throughout Evie's life. I love going back and seeing her change physically. I love watching myself change as a mother as I try to grapple with parenthood. I love reading about how I thought certain things were difficult or easy and realizing I feel the exact opposite about those things now. I love having saved snippets of our everyday, boring life and realizing that it's not as simple as people think it is. I love watching that curly hair get longer and frizzier.
In sitting down and thinking about what I should say about my three year old, I am without words. She is quite indescribable. Evie is strong, independent and stubborn, but tender hearted, sweet and affectionate. She is manipulative, mischievous and deliberately disobedient, but smart, expressive and thoughtful. She has boundless energy and refuses to do things any way but her own, but requires a great deal of attention from me in everything she does. She is the definition of enigma. She is so many things that I really don't know how to describe her. She is the bain and purpose of my existence everyday. She is such a challenge. Everyday she challenges me and tests me. We're so much alike that we often butt heads. Sometimes I go crazy trying to figure out what to do with her. Its hard not to have more control over her actions, but that's being a parent I guess. Sometimes I feel bad for her because she is my first. I literally have no idea what I'm doing and each night as I fall asleep I replay the mistakes I've made in raising her. I've never done this before and (surprise!) its really hard, however, I also think she's fortunate to be my first. There is something so special about the first time for anything and I will remember being just the two of us as the most extraordinarily rare time of my life. And I guess we've come full circle here because when I think of law school, for the rest of my life I will think of Evie. We spent so much of law school just the two of us, learning not to kill each other (JK, but seriously...) and I've grown so much as a person because of her. She is my twin soul. We are so much alike that it is terrifying and ridiculously fun at the same time. Even when I want to scream in frustration, I still understand her. She does what I would do and I must admit, it is weird to watch at times.
My Grandma always calls Evie "the Minx," and I could not have picked a more apt name for her. She is bold. She is a schemer. And she is a charmer. A few nights ago she came downstairs (an hour after bedtime) with what looked like blood all over her hand. She calmly told us that her hand was dirty. After further investigation, we discovered my bright red lipstick without a cap on the floor. She might drive me mad but she will never ever be dull. She is so full of life and its honestly contagious. Everyday is an adventure with this girl.
Happy Birthday Minx!