Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Thoughts Without Pictures

AKA you probably won't read this since there is not a single photo of my squishy/wild children.

Anyway, I'm alive dear blog! Alive, but without a computer, homeless and currently potty training my 3+ year old. So... things are going well?

Of course they are! I really want to elaborate on our move, graduation and all the many changes that have besot us lately, but now is just not a good time. All of my annoying opinions are best forced upon you in between pictures of my beautiful children (that's the only way I get people to read this thing).

Nick is still in Yakima studying his brains out. However, now that I say that I realize its an oxymoron.  You can't study without a brain!
Also, you can't eat fruit without cheese.

Speaking of cheese, I'm currently doing a cleanse with my sister that is surprisingly ... awesome?
21 days. No gluten. Semi-No dairy (KILL ME NOW). No sugar (WHO CARES ABOUT SUGAR WHEN YOU CAN'T HAVE CHEESE). Basically you can eat two things - greek yogurt and chia seeds. We were both sort of dreading doing it, but so far so good. (I'm only 10 days in) Obviously I have to modify slightly since Bananarama needs my goods, but I'm surviving this beast.

In other news:

I'm currently rocking single parenthood. And I mean ROCKING it. My kids bathe twice a week if I'm lucky and today I took Ev to get a donut after she pooped her pants in Old Navy. And by pants I mean pants, NOT A DIAPER.

Since I have no husband (AKA social life) I read a lot. Like A LOT. I feel like a cross between Belle and Hermione, except I can't sing and I'm not a Mudblood with buck teeth. Wait ... and I didn't marry Ronald Weasley?! Well now my life really sucks. JK Nick I love you. Anyway, I just finished Gone Girl. Incredible writing, horrible swearing, still read it, super liked it. Can't wait for the movie. Please Hollywood never stop making books into movies. Even though the movie never quite satisfies me like the book, it makes the characters (my friends) live longer in my heart. Also Ben Affleck is the perfect cast for Lance Nicholas Dunne.

Let's talk about potty training.
Here's the truth:
I would rather give birth naturally TWICE than potty train Ev. All you moms whose children basically potty trained themselves? You can go shave your back now. Seriously.
Why is this so hard? And don't answer that question. I will probably throw a baby carrot at you, because that's all I can eat right now and I'm not willing to sacrifice one of my ten almonds that I get for a snack each day.
I keep thinking, how would I potty train myself? Since Evie is me reincarnated. And here's what I came up with. Cold turkey. No more diapers. And at home, it goes swimmingly. Then we roll up to Old Navy, windows rolled down, blasting FANCY and we are in there for eight minutes and I smell rotten pineapple and I know its game over. And since I'm freaking Mama Berenstain Bear I finish my shopping and then leave the store (see above parenting comment). Then things take a turn for the trashy and my car is like the parking lot of the Yakima Fair while I'm trying to substitute clean underwear for soiled ones.

What's Anna doing this whole time?
What do you think?

I sing Isn't She Lovely to Anna everyday.

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy I'm so lucky
We have been heaven blessed
Isn't she lovely
Life and love are the same

I can't wait to elaborate more on my kids. They are just growing up like its part of nature or its supposed to happen or something.

And in case you're wondering, I still love my job.

Addendum: This is my 400th post. Huzzah!