Monday, December 13, 2010

Eat Your Feelings

I've settled on a nursery theme.
And its delicious.
It's going to be a french dessert theme. I figured it would complement our baby's luscious chubby thighs. I don't want too much pink, so I'm leaning towards a multi-colored macaroon/cupcake/pastry theme.
Plus, its important to instill values in your children before they even exit the womb. So I've been eating lots of pastries in hopes that it will wet her appetite for french refinery once she's here. Imagine waking up to a room covered in all things a la france... you'd be a happy baby too.
Plus I have to start the brainwashing early on, if I want my daughter to study abroad in France so I have an excuse to go visit her, I need her to think SHE came up with the whole thing.
Nick can thank me later for the genius that I am.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Tragedy of the Fungus

Herein lies the greatest tragedy ever told,
About a close cousin of the nastiest mold.
The mold’s cousin named fungus was especially vile,
For it lived on the head of an unfortunate child.

The child’s mother claimed it was trendy and all worthwhile,
But seven years passed and the child hardly smiled.
She endured the worst and then endured more,
For having bad hair is the ugliest chore.

Her siblings made fun of their sister the mushroom,
But secretly hoped that someday she would bloom.
Bloom she did not, but eventually the girl’s hair grew,
Proving once and for all what everyone knew.

That this tragic story could simply not be farce,
Dramatic, but true? You bet your arse.


Friday, December 3, 2010

Fat Weeks Pregnant

It's all downhill from here. I am 20 and a half weeks pregnant and guess what?

I just look fat. Isn't that awesome?

I am so jealous of all those cute pregnant ladies who can post darling pictures of their "baby bump." I don't quite have a bump, but I've definitely got some lumps - fat lumps that is. I feel like my hard work should be paying off. Day and night I work constantly and what do I have to show?
36 ding-dongs, several fried chicken legs, and a large pepperoni pizza attached to my gut.
Like I said, I am awesome.
Poor Nick, his wife is going to give birth to a giant assortment of pastries and fried foods instead of a sweet baby girl.
Don't believe me?

That said, feeling our little beignet kicking all day long is totally worth it. When Nick asks what it feels like, I usually resort to quoting one my favorite movies, Baby Mama, "It feels like if you ate a meatball sandwich, and that meatball sandwich is kicking you."

We had our 20 week ultrasound a couple of days ago. The tech said everything looks great - 2 arms, 2 legs, a working bladder, four pumping heart chambers, strong spinal cord, AND some huge fatty thighs. I can already tell I've done my part in transferring at least a small, or I guess a large portion of my DNA to our snickerdoodle. She's definitely part-Smart, with the thighs to prove it.

If you're still reading, here is a picture of my parents over Thanksgiving break. They came to celebrate Grandma Phyl's 80th birthday. The party was super Smarty and just a blasty-blast all-around.
A total Betty and a total Baldwin:

Everyone with Phyl

We also went to Temple Square to see the lights. Darel hadn't seen them since my stretch pants phase and Chelsea's polka dot sweatshirt and side-pony phase. Lets just say, it had been a while since Lil' D had experienced the majesty of Temple Square.

Phyl, the Betty, and the Baldwin

BCF (Best Cousins Forever)

We are also moving to Yakima in TWO WEEKS. By the looks of our house, you would think we planned on staying in Utah forever.
I haven't packed one thing. Seriously, nothing.
I'm hoping Dobby the House Elf will magically show up to not only to clean and pack my house, but to tell me that they lost my Hogwarts acceptance letter 12 years ago and they would like me to resume my witch's training post-holidays.
Not even my wannabe pregnant gut could get me down after news like that.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Quiz Yourself

Today, let us see how smart you really are. Please allow yourself to answer honestly the following question.

True or False: Pregnancy messes with brain function.

Since some of you are in denial or have biases of which will never be changed let me enlighten my point of view with some specific instances from recent weeks.


Nick: "So I had to write a lame mock blog post in class today about BP's current situation and how people are reacting to it."

Syd: "Do you know anything about BP? You have only been in there with me and I doubt you were paying attention."

Nick: "What in the world are you talking about hun?"

Syd: "BP, the section in Nordstrom."

Nick: "You are joking, right?"

Syd: "What other BP is there?"

Nick: "This conversation should probably just end here."

Syd: "No, please tell me. Is there a more popular BP?"

Nick: "To most of the world, yes. To you, nope."

Syd: "Oh, okay. Well, I will just keep my mindset of what BP is. It is probably better for both of us."

Nick: "Good plan."


Twenty minutes later we are returning home from class and Syd graciously offers to make breakfast. Eggs and toast are on the menu and I hear her begin to crack eggs. A few seconds later a long groan follows. I ask her if she is alright. Silence. I walk over to the sink. Shells and yolk are swimming in the basin. Lesson learned...a bowl is needed to catch the eggs before they slide down the drain.

As all you know, Syd is the most detailed oriented person when it comes to subjects such as crafts, school and weddings. Somehow, pregnancy has affected this slightly. It is not often that Syd lapses common sense or judgment, that is usually my daily failure.

So there it is, pregnancy does mess with brain function.

Seriously though, you should all know I love my wife with all my heart and she is already making a fantastic mom. It's an innate talent for her and our girl is very blessed to have such a smart, good looking, humorous, talented, good looking, loving and good looking mother.