Saint Valentine

I love Valentine's Day. Its cheesy, but I'm cheesy - so I basically eat it all up. (Literally and figuratively)

Proof that I'm cheesy:

Dear Saint Valentine, I’ve missed you so,

Once a year’s not enough to show.

I’ve always enjoyed our intimate alliance,

I can eat my feelings while still seeming defiant.

Single, married, or somewhere betwixt,

You’re always there with my sugar fix.

But then one year to my pleasant surprise,

You sent me a present – a sexy guy!

We’ll call him Saint Nick since I know you’re both buds,

He likes to romance unlike some other duds.

Tall, dark, and handsome – Holy Moley I’m screwed,

I could not say “no” to this hunky dude.

We got hitched and Saint V, my life’s improved,

He’s there everyday to lighten the mood.

He takes out the trash and changes bulbs of light,

He gives me a kiss before bed each night.

He’s a great dishwasher and my best friend,

And I have to mention his lush rear-end.

Saint Valentine, you’re really too giving,

One perfect guy makes for easy living.

But wait! You’ve surprised me just a little bit more,

By melting my heart, straight to the core.

I can’t say I deserve an additional favor,

But I’ll gladly take this Valentine to savor and savor.

She’s chubby and squishy and totally supreme,

I only imagined her in my wildest dreams.

She’s shaped like a marshmallow and feels like one too,

I don’t even mind her putrescent poo.

She gives sweet hugs and has the best laugh,

If only I could compete with Sophie la Giraffe.

Each year Saint Valentine, surpasses the last,

I’d better write you a thank you and do it fast.

See, I don’t have much time, since I’m so admired,

By two loving Valentines that never tire,

Of making me happy and giving me kisses,

Saint Valentine, your mark never misses.

So thanks, old friend, old buddy, old pal,

You’ve made me one elated gal.

Not one perfect Valentine, but a perfect two,

People are so jealous – they want to sue.

Go ahead and try, a future lawyer I know,

These Valentines are mine and that’s fo’ sho!