Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Blowout of 2011

****DISCLAIMER****
This is the nastiest post you will ever read.
Don't say I didn't warn you.

One fateful day (yesterday) I was cooking in the kitchen while Ev watched me in the bumbo. It was a rather peaceful scene - mother and daughter, enjoying each other's company amidst the aroma of garlic. As I was chopping some asparagus my mind began to wander (typical) and an odd thought hit me.

My daughter hadn't pooped in 2 1/2 days.
Was this possible? Did I count the days right? Ev has always been regular. And when I say regular, I mean one solid blowout per day. (usually a little before lunchtime)
Anyway, as I zoned back into our peaceful mother/daughter garlic scene I suddenly realized that I hadn't changed Evie's diaper in over two hours. What was I thinking? I had obviously gotten used to the pleasantly wet-only diapers of the last few days.

All it takes is one mistake.
Calling all East-Coasters. So, you had an earthquake? Well my daughter just did you one better.

I grabbed Ev and reluctantly looked in the bumbo.
I could almost see my reflection in the yellow swimming pool. Ev almost slipped through my arms because she herself was oozing the nasty. I ran her to the safe zone - the bathtub. (On several other blowout occasions we have had to take baths following the nasty.) As I looked at my daughter (smiling like usual) I tried to devise a plan for tackling the situation. As I waited for my brain to figure out what to do, the infant bathtub started filling up with the nasty. Ev dipped her toes in and flicked it in my face. I couldn't bathe her in a poopy bathtub! So I rinsed her off and took her to the changing table and proceeded to use about 20 wipes before she had pink skin again. I laid her on her playmat and surveyed the damage.

Here is what I did after the Blowout of 2011:
-Washed my kitchen floors and counter.
-Spot stained my carpet in several places.
-Washed my bathroom rug and mopped the bathroom floor.
-Scrubbed the bathtub, wiped down the shower curtain and sterilized the infant bathtub.
-Rinsed and scrubbed out the bumbo.
-Threw Ev's clothes away (wasn't even going to try and save them)
-Washed my own clothes (including my underwear! it went all the way through)

Once all the nasty was cleaned up, I bathed my child.

It was a long bath.

And for those of you who think I'm prone to a friend named hyperbole, you probably won't believe that 2 hours later when I went to the bathroom and found Evie poop in my hair and on my face - I laughed.

Believe what you want, but the Blowout of 2011 did happen.

6 comments:

Alex & Taylor said...

Who knew something so cute could produce something so disgusting? haha

The Nicholas Family said...

LOVE those blow outs! Aubrey had one like that at the mall once - Jeff says it's because she just wanted us to buy her some new clothes. I had for some reason not packed an extra outfit so of course a trip to baby gap was in order.

Kiley said...

Hahaha oh dear. When I read your post title I thought ooooh she must've found a good sale! Shoot.

Nancy said...

Oh, the memories! This made me laugh out loud. Love that little girl, and her mommy. ;)

Jana said...

You are now officially a mother, oh the joys!!!!

chelsea said...

This is only a little worse then when she blew out on me and I had to change my g's. She obviously didn't know favorite aunt was holding her or she won't have done that. Miss you guys!