Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A Fine Lady

I'm often amazed at how genteel and ladylike my children are.

I'm constantly reminded that a coy smile is the best way to politely accept someone's offer.

And if perhaps you change your mind, a simple shake of the head will do.

When appearing at meals, one must be appropriately dressed at all times.

And of course one must chew like a lady.

Even if the food is not up to your standards.

A lady never helps out in the kitchen - there are servants (mothers) for that.

A lady rarely eats sweets, for it is vulgar and unnecessary.

If a lady happens to indulge, a bite or two will do.

Elbows (and other body parts) should never linger on the table.

If a lady plans to overeat, she should plan accordingly, and loosen her corset.

A lady should always have good hygiene, taking care of her manicure is of utmost importance.

A lady should sit and converse with her friends, never stealing their snacks or eating things off the ground. How abhorrent!

A lady should always have kept hair. She should be ready at a moment's notice to catch the eye of a bachelor.

Reading is a lovely hobby for a lady. If she chooses to check out books from the library, she should return them in immaculate condition.

A lady should always offer her seat to other ladies in the room.

A lady should always wear appropriate attire for whatever activity she is participating in.

She should always come prepared for whatever Mother Nature has in store.

A proper lady gets plenty of rest.

A lady need not snack incessantly.

A lady of good fortune attends all necessary social functions.

A lovely young lady always wears her best outfits.

And she would never dare upstage a dear friend or beloved sister.

A true lady is reserved and demure.

A lady always tries new trends. She must be up to date on all the latest wonders of the world, especially if her mother spent much too long on toast.

A real lady always sits in a non-revealing fashion. For showing undergarments is repulsive and despicable. 

A lady bathes regularly.

To be a proper lady, one must ensue many hobbies, such as gardening.

It is not proper for a lady to snort or laugh loudly in public.

A true lady waits her turn, for she knows that patience is a virtue.

A lady does not stare impolitely. 

Aggressive activities do not suit a lady.

Fun should be experienced within limits for a lady.

A lady would never attempt risqué behavior.

A prim lady knows the Arts forward and backward.
She might even be an artist herself.

A true and proper lady knows humility.

If you need help with fine tuning your own ladylike skills, just come to Evie and Anna's house. They know exactly how to act!


Virginia Prescott said...

Love it. I thought for a second there I was doing it wrong, but I see now that I was right all along ;)

Amanda Jeffs said...

Hilarious. Love it.

Darrell said...

makes me want to hang out more at your house.