Flashback Friday: Springbreakers

Yes, I am aware that today is Saturday, not Friday.

But this is my blog, so I'll do what I want!

Plus its been eons since my last FF and I know everybody has missed nasty pictures of me and those I've chosen to blackmail. 

Has anyone seen the previews for the movie Springbreakers?

Here's the deal:

- Does anyone know what the heck the movie is about? All I really get from the trailer is that its a lot of neon swimsuits, guns, and James Franco's grill.

- Vanessa Hudgens, please stop making movies. No one will ever see you as anything but Gabriella of High School Musical. You peaked at Troy Bolton girl. Also, you dress like a homeless hippie who doesn't wear underwear, so I guess a neon bikini is a step up?

- Ashley Benson, I kind of love you on Pretty Little Liars, but I realized after seeing the trailer that you are a one-note actress who probably just plays herself in every movie (IE: Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Anniston, Vince Vaughn)

- Selena Gomez, you are supposed to make JB feel like a moron for letting you go! Why, why why do you think this movie will accomplish this? JB's gonna see this and believe that you're the one missing out and that his crotch pants are actually attractive. 

- Other slutty girl, never heard of you.

- James Franco, I want to see this movie because your grill and cornrows are legitimately inspiring and I'm sort of feeling like I might have missed out on Spring Break my whole life by not throwing away my life, landing in jail and scandalizing it up in Miami. 

Also, this movie got a 73% on Rotten Tomatoes. I was fully expecting it to get HORRIBLE reviews, but it got pretty good ones. I'm going to have to resist seeing it in the theaters and wait until its on Netflix to watch it. (I'll be totally honest, its going to take a lot of will power) 

And its not like I haven't had crazy Spring Breaks before, because I have.

Growing up, we often took road trips to the Oregon Coast for Spring Break.

We always stayed at the luxurious Shiloh Inn (they had a hot tub!) and we spent the week flying kites and eating Clam Chowder (which I actually hate). But now that I think about it, the concierge looked a lot like Spring Breakers James Franco. 

And why is it that Spring Break always requires a windbreaker or three?

Exhibit A:

Sweet windbreaker Chels.

Too bad its not as cool as my windbreaker sweatsuit. Also, the best thing about this windbreaker sweat thing is that it wasn't originally mine. And perhaps even more interesting, is that I can't remember who gave it to me. Darc? Chels? I don't even know, but one thing I know for sure is that whoever gave it to me probably hated me ... A LOT. I mean look at me. Clearly, my double chin and hairstyle gave people reason enough to make fun, but throw in an aqua windbreaker sweatsuit and I can't even be mad that I didn't have friends.

Perhaps the best Spring Break we ever had was our trip to Victoria, BC. We splurged and stayed in the Empress for a few nights, enjoyed the Wax Museum and a bunch of other stuff I can't really remember.

What I do remember quite clearly though, is my front-flapped jeans.

Exhibit B:

Guys, I loved these jeans. Like LOVED them. Wore them almost everyday for several years. And the best part is that I grew four inches in those couple years, but my weight and jean size stayed the same. Gotta love the pre-pubescent fat stage. I will say that I deserve points for wearing some form of a bra (most likely a sports bra). Sure my shirt is a little shorty-fatty, but at least the mosquito bites are under wraps. And the half ponytail? Workin' it.

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I was made for Spring Break.

Scandals, string bikinis, the strip? 

Obviously those things were made for me. 

I bet you can't guess what I'm doing with my husband and almost two-year old this Spring Break.

It would make James Franco proud.