Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Burning Q's

I'm naturally a curious person. Like when I see someone pregnant at Target, I always look to see if they are wearing a wedding ring. I'm not judging (I can't wear my ring past 6 months), I just want to know. I always wonder if someone's hair is their natural color or what their marriage is really like or if their kid really eats as many popsicles as my kid (when they claim to). Again, not judging, just curious as a cat over here. 
Luckily I married a man who LOVES to discuss weird ethical and hypothetical questions. Nick and I are always discussing weird things. He'll say, "Could you shoot somebody if they were going to shoot you first?" And I'll counter with, "Would you eat your friend if you were stranded in the jungle and they were already dead and you would die if you didn't eat them?" (His answer is ALWAYS "Yes," by the way) Nick's questions are always wayyyyy more mature than mine. My questions usually flitter along the lines of the Would You Rather game. 

For example, to my sister Chelsea:
Would you rather wear a Vote for Sarah Palin T-Shirt everyday for the rest of your life (including your wedding day and the day you are buried) or have to actually vote for Sarah Palin for President only to find out later that she won by ONE vote and that one vote was yours?

I just love to know what people will say. And since I'm often sarcastic, my questions are hardly ethical or thought provoking. Nick's questions always spur some intellectual or political conversation while mine always force him to choose between two really bad choices or envision his life in some tragic way. 

The point is, my name should be George cuz I'm always curious.
I have a list of "Life's Most Burning Questions," that is about a mile long.
Where do all my bobby pins go?
Will my eyelashes grow back if I cut them?
Is Goofy really a dog, because that makes the existence of Pluto confusing?
 What does giving birth really feel like? (I actually know the answer to this one)
Does gum really stay in your stomach for 7 years if you swallow it?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? (Okay, my brother and I actually tried this and we got to three hundred and something and gave up)
Does shaving really make your hair grow back thicker and faster?

I could go on. And I realize that I could Cha-Cha or Google a lot of my burning questions, but that defeats the purpose doesn't it? It's not a burning question if you don't let it burn in your brain until life gives you an opportunity to figure it out, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to share an experience I had yesterday. Life provided me with an opportunity to answer one of my burning questions!
The Question:
Do swim diapers really trap in pee?
(I kind of assumed they only kept the poop in, but it claims to be a diaper and isn't the definition of a diaper something that holds #1 and #2?

This lady,


who insists on wearing swim diapers even while not swimming, was sitting on my lap with a dry swim diaper on. Suddenly, my crotch felt wet and warm. Its way too early for my water to be breaking and while the likelihood of my having to pee or accidentally peeing my pants is believable and most certainly possible these days, it wasn't me. My daughter peed into her swim diaper and she mine as well have been naked because it CAUGHT NOTHING. My lap was soaked and I'm currently drafting a letter to Huggies to explain my frustrations and demand that they come do my laundry or offer me a tasty snack. A free diaper at least! 

Maybe the diaper has to be wet for it to catch pee? But that wouldn't make sense because pee is a liquid. Does anyone have any burning thoughts on this matter? 

Either way, I think it's safe to conclude three things:
1. Swim diapers (like we all assumed) do not hold pee.
2. I had to wash my one and only maternity swim coverup before wearing it the mandatory 7 times (BOO).
3. Ev is the Queen of All Sass (see picture above for verification).

Other weird things that happened to me this week:

1. I was rinsing out dishes in the sink and when I finished I left the room to work on some projects in the den. Nick called out a few minutes later that I had left the water running full blast into an empty sink.
2. Nick asked me (kindly) to stop folding his socks while I am pregnant because apparently I can't match socks with a pregnant brain. He insisted that I put a short black sock with a tall black sock. I disagreed vehemently. 
3. I was swimming with Ev and noticed that my left leg was really hairy despite having shaved that morning. Upon checking my armpits, I realized that my left armpit was also mysteriously unshaven. All extremities and crevices on the right side of my body were shaved.
4. I went out to lunch with my mom and a friend yesterday. Later that day while going to the bathroom I realized I had two DIFFERENT earrings on. (One dangly black, one studded blue)


Also, in case anyone is wondering, it's only Tuesday.
Nick always swore that my pregnancy brain with Ev was really terrible, but I never believed him. Is it possible that he was right? WHAT IS HAPPENING??????!!!!!!!

9 comments:

Alix said...

I love everything about this post. And I love talking about random questions too! Jake and I sometimes talk about what we would do in Walking Dead situations... :)

Mindy said...

I know your frustration with swim Diapers, I hate that I can never put my kids in them before we head to the pool or I have to end up washing their car seats. I learned that the hard way, and it took me like two kids to figure out that they aren't diapers at all..so good job figuring it out on your first, even with your awesome pregnant brain(;

Rachey Elder said...

Ha ha, this post is amazing!!! I laughed the whole way through it. I have prego brain as well, in particular, I have been shaving one side of my body too. Danny was worried I suffered a stroke or something. I love all your curious questions. You have got to be one of the most entertaining people ever.

P.S. Ev keeps on getting prettier. HOw!?

Camee Anderson Faulk said...

This is hilarious! I didn't believe in pregnancy brain until I got pregnant--now I'm a firm believer! I can't trust myself to schedule ANYTHING or keep any sort of appointment, no matter how important. This is terrible because I'm normally a highly organized person. A few weeks ago I scheduled a huge awards ceremony for my school right during my own baby shower...and I didn't notice until 2 days before. Dumb.

Darrell said...

Pretty funny (and true) stuff.

Tara Hibbard said...

I highly enjoyed this post! Super funny! Can't wait to see you at the reunion :)

Brit said...

So a couple of weeks ago I had a friend tell me that if your kid doesn't pee while they have a swim diaper on to just turn it inside out and dry it so you don't use up expensive diapers as fast. After three uses, I realized that it could be no coincidence that the diaper was still dry and threw my baby in the tub, disgusted with myself. Btw - pee dries just as fast as water so how in the heck are you supposed to really know?!

Sydney said...

Brit! Hahaha. So we bought Ev a reusable swim diaper but I'm not that eco friendly and I hated scrapping poo out of it each time so I started buying huggies again. How is it possible we live in a world with such technology and no one can solve my swim diaper problem?

chelsea said...

This is so easy--wear the T-shirt! If I voted for Sarah Palin I'd know I really hit rock bottom and I'd deserve to be in an insane asylum. Plus the T-shirt would be convo starter about how much I hate her. You know me too well! PS. I miss my pool buddy!!!