An Actual Plan

Here's the weird thing about law school. 

You spend $500 on an LSAT prep course, another $500 ish applying to schools, 150,000+ on law school, some more for a bar prep class and holy freaking cannoli another $695 to ACTUALLY take the flipping bar exam. Plus for most people, they need to have a job in order to know what state to take the bar in. So they have to find a job (which is darn near impossible these days) first and then register to take the beast, pass it and then enjoy the next fifteen years of their life paying it off. 

This is frustrating to me. I feel like law school should prepare you for the bar. It bothers me that after three years, you aren't lawful enough to be an attorney. You have to prove it by studying like crazy for 10 weeks and paying to take a hellish exam. And I know its unrealistic for me to expect anything else, but I'm just bearing my soul here.

The entire time we've been in law school, we've never been quite sure about where we would end up. Our lives have been in a constant state of obscurity and we are the definition of nomads. We live in Eugene nine months out of the year and then in Yakima the other three. Habitual moving is our MO. I feel like we've spent the majority of our marriage moving. Twice in Provo, then a big move to Washington, then to Oregon, back to Washington, back to Oregon, back to Washington, then back to Oregon and in one month we'll be moving again (I'll get to that part in a minute). Its honestly exhausting. I'm so anxious to put down some roots but at the same time they will literally have to pull my cold, dead, stubborn body from Eugene because I love it here so much. But I can't really talk about that right now because I'll just start blog crying, which is a terrible combination. Plus I made homemade banana bread today and I'm currently eating it, which means in reality I'll be blog crying and binge eating, which is even worse. 

Anyway, the last few years we've been quite unsure about where life would take us. There was a point where we were quite sure we'd be in the Portland/Vancouver area and we were both pretty content about it. The idea of living near two of my sisters was incredibly appealing and I've grown to love the westside of the PNW (I'm flashing some real gang signs over here). However, since nothing was set in stone, we tried not to get overly excited about the possibility of a lifetime in the Portland area. Then a little over a month ago, we were almost positive that's where we'd end up ... and the next day we accepted a job in Yakima. 

So, we are moving to Yakima. 

Well, sort of. Nick will move there in a month and study for the bar away from his distracting family, while we bunk with my sister for 10 weeks. Then at the end of July we'll head up to Yakima FOR REAL (aka permanently) and try to find a place to live. 

I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I don't have the energy to try and put them into words. But I will say this, I'm so grateful Nick has a job. It is not easy to find one and we know that. 

And although Yakima was/is not my number choice, it did make the top ten lists for cities with the highest obesity rate and places where people feel unsafe in the US, so that's a plus. I've stewed the pros and cons of this issue in my brain so much the last month I've exhausted myself. So lucky for all of you reading this, you don't have to hear me whine! I love Yakima. I love visiting my family there. I loved growing up there. I just never imagined that I'd raise my own family there, but hey! I can list ten positive thoughts for every negative concern I have and like I said, we are so blessed to have an awesome job. 

I'll just leave you with one small thought and then you can look at some cute pictures of my kids. When I was a Junior in High School I had a teacher named Mr. Benedetti. He NEVER called me 'Sydney.' But he also never called me Darcee or Chelsea, which I was grateful for. Instead our conversations went like this:

Mr. Benedetti: "Sheila! Stop talking!"

Me: (Not listening)

Mr. Benedetti: "Sheila! Sheila Hague!"

Me: "Sheila who?"

Mr. Benedetti: "Sheila you."

Me: "I'm Sydney."

Mr. Benedetti: "Oh, that's right. Well whoever you are stop talking."

You read that correctly. I had a teacher IN HIGH SCHOOL who called me by my mom's name CONSISTENTLY. Weird, right?

Lucky for my children, they look nothing like me, so that probably won't happen. But it's still weird for me to move back home. So, so weird. 

It'd be one thing if I was from Seattle where there are millions of people, but Yakima is small and I like a little anonymity. And here's some more weirdness for you. I just mailed Evie's preschool application in today. She will (hopefully) attend the same preschool I did. And possibly all the other schools I attended. If that's not bizarre, I don't know what is. 

I already mentioned how much I've muddled this issue in my mind. It has literally consumed me the last month. But when I really think about it, all of my reservations in moving to Yakima are selfish and prideful and I should be thankful for an opportunity to raise my kids where I was raised. I mean ... I didn't turn out that bad, right?

Okay, I'll stop. Yakima or bust!

And now, some photos of my kids.

Ev has slightly been favoring Bear lately. When I tell her she can only bring one friend somewhere, occasionally she chooses Bear which is unheard of in her life thus far. I sometimes wonder if Ket is getting replaced and then I poke my head in to check on her sleeping and Ket is still lovingly placed on her face. 

At three years old, Ev still fits in the Bumbo.

Now that she sees Anna eat in it, she insists on eating ALL of her meals in the Bumbo.

(including fake plastic meals - see photo below)

She's super into dancing and singing lately.

And we've been on and off potty training the last couple weeks so pants have been optional.

My parents bought these wooden shoes in the Netherlands last year and Ev has loved them ever since. When she plays dress up she always wears them. When we go walk to the laundry she insists on clumping along behind me. When we get the mail she will only wear her red shoes. Sadly, they are getting snug and she just doesn't understand that. She bravely tries to squeeze her feet into them each day and then cries that they hurt her. I guess I'll have to go to the Netherlands to get her another pair...

Our second Bumbo lover.

We've also been calling her 'The German Boy,' since her hair could easily pass for a Hitler Youth.

A slicked combover never looked so cute!

Ev loves to play this game when we make the bed called ... getting in my way. She thinks its so funny to jump on the bed when I'm trying to put the sheets on and then throw the pillows off when I'm trying to arrange them. She loves to be buried in the pillows and then dramatically pop out and say, "Surprise!"

Gosh, these two. 

They are so cute. Typically when its Ev's bedtime I'm feeding Anna solids in the Bumbo, so bedtime has become a Daddy-daughter affair. I love to listen to them read stories and play before Ev goes to bed. 

The sticker on her forehead says, "I Love You."

One day I heard her shouting repeatedly, "Mom! Mommy! Mom!" I walked into her room and she was in her baby's crib making this face. 

I'm gonna be honest, Yakima is lucky to have such cute kids as future residents.

Happy Birthday Minx

Before we started law school I remembered thinking when we were finished, Ev would be three.
She turned three yesterday.

For some reason, this milestone of my first child turning three has always been so huge in my mind. It marked the end of an era (poor student life) and the beginning of a new one (even poorer real life). It seemed like the end of law school was so far away when I had a four month old and we had just moved to Eugene. I vividly remember feeding Evie baby food in her bumbo and thinking, another three years of this? And my feelings about our experience with law school are best saved for another day, but the point is, the end of law school and Evie's third birthday were always a packaged deal for me.

I wish I could say I blinked and my tiny newborn turned three, but that's not completely true. While I cannot believe Evelyn is three, there have been times and phases of her life that felt like they'd never end. Of course, looking back on those times it does feel like more of a blink in most ways.

I'm so glad I've blogged semi-consistently throughout Evie's life. I love going back and seeing her change physically. I love watching myself change as a mother as I try to grapple with parenthood. I love reading about how I thought certain things were difficult or easy and realizing I feel the exact opposite about those things now. I love having saved snippets of our everyday, boring life and realizing that it's not as simple as people think it is. I love watching that curly hair get longer and frizzier.




In sitting down and thinking about what I should say about my three year old, I am without words. She is quite indescribable. Evie is strong, independent and stubborn, but tender hearted, sweet and affectionate. She is manipulative, mischievous and deliberately disobedient, but smart, expressive and thoughtful. She has boundless energy and refuses to do things any way but her own, but requires a great deal of attention from me in everything she does. She is the definition of enigma. She is so many things that I really don't know how to describe her. She is the bain and purpose of my existence everyday. She is such a challenge. Everyday she challenges me and tests me. We're so much alike that we often butt heads. Sometimes I go crazy trying to figure out what to do with her. Its hard not to have more control over her actions, but that's being a parent I guess. Sometimes I feel bad for her because she is my first. I literally have no idea what I'm doing and each night as I fall asleep I replay the mistakes I've made in raising her. I've never done this before and (surprise!) its really hard, however, I also think she's fortunate to be my first. There is something so special about the first time for anything and I will remember being just the two of us as the most extraordinarily rare time of my life. And I guess we've come full circle here because when I think of law school, for the rest of my life I will think of Evie. We spent so much of law school just the two of us, learning not to kill each other (JK, but seriously...) and I've grown so much as a person because of her. She is my twin soul. We are so much alike that it is terrifying and ridiculously fun at the same time. Even when I want to scream in frustration, I still understand her. She does what I would do and I must admit, it is weird to watch at times.

My Grandma always calls Evie "the Minx," and I could not have picked a more apt name for her. She is bold. She is a schemer. And she is a charmer. A few nights ago she came downstairs (an hour after bedtime) with what looked like blood all over her hand. She calmly told us that her hand was dirty. After further investigation, we discovered my bright red lipstick without a cap on the floor. She might drive me mad but she will never ever be dull. She is so full of life and its honestly contagious. Everyday is an adventure with this girl.

Happy Birthday Minx!

All Anna

Fastest six months of my life!

Here's what Anna Girl is up to these days:

Still happy all the time. Guys, its unreal - she literally looks all around the room trying to make eye contact with someone so she can bust a gummy smile. And she smiles so big it looks like her cheeks are going to explode. I love it. She's so socially engaged. We have at least fifty minutes of uninterrupted eye contact each day and I'm not even sick of it. 

Oh Bumbo, how we love thee. Anna's not even close to sitting up so its nice that she can fit in the Bumbo and feel like she's part of the gang.

"Who me?"

She still blows raspberries and sticks out her tongue when she's tired.

"JK Mom, I'm not tired, I'm happy. You should know that since I'm happy all the time."

I love her little profile.

One of my favorite baby body parts is where the cheek fat meets the neck fat. 

It is perfectly kissable - you should try it sometime.

Also, thumbs up!

When she gets really excited she folds her hands together and leans back. 

The only time she gets very serious (and not so smiley) is late at night when she's super tired. She never fusses, just gives me some real serious looks. Almost like she's bored with me. Of course its so cute that I want to keep her up even longer so I can look at her some more. 

Jokes on you Anna baby!

Love that profile.

She gets this facial expression from her dad.

And this one from me (when I'm looking at food).

SO DROOLY still.

Lots of drool, lots of love.

Suspicious of the camera.

Blowin' those razzies.

She still has a dimple on her right cheek.

And I pray everyday that her five chins never go away.

I love them so much.

At six months Anna loves:

Evie's voice.

Me.

Snuggling.

Rice cereal.

Eating her hands.

Her jumper.

Being held.

Bathtime.

Kisses from Dad.

Having her face rubbed.

Sleeping with a blanket on her face.

Being talked to.

She makes our house so happy. You can't walk into our house and not be happy when Anna is awake. She is the best drug there is.

She has already had two haircuts. I finally cut her bangs a second time right before she turned six months.

And she has a perpetual runny nose. At first I thought it was teething, but now I'm thinking seasonal allergies? Can babies have that? Its always clear and she basically has it ALL THE TIME. Its gross when I go to kiss her and she wipes her nose down my cheek but I STILL LOVE IT.

Chews on everything.

All the time.

I love this picture. She was looking at Nick when I took this.

Girl loves her Dad.

(I get it Anna, so do I)

Haha.

Let's discuss what is Anna's bed head.

I just let it be.

What would you do?

I can't wait for her doctor appointment this month (she and Ev go in together) to see how big she is. I feel like she's enormous, but she's probably not.

My sweet Anna.

Happy six months Anna baby.