Flashback Friday: Attack of the Triangle Pants

We've all seen it. Whether it be on vacation, at the YMCA, or in our deepest, darkest nightmares, we have all seen the atrocities of the "triangle pants."

My brother-in-law coined this phrase several years ago after he himself had to seek intense therapy following a close-up with a real-life "triangle-panter."

While the term, "triangle pants," is mostly correct, I am here to debate one issue. Triangle? You betcha. But pants? I am not so sure. Now, I know many of you may also have had experiences with "triangle pants" that have scarred you for life.

You may also know "triangle pants" by several different names, none of which are appropriate for use on this blog.

I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with Neat-o.

(Don't get any ideas, "triangle pants" are anything but.)

Earlier this year, Nick and I took a lovely cruise with our dear friends the Conleys. For the most part, the trip was amazing - good food, great company, and lots of relaxation. However, one aspect of the trip still haunts me to this day and in the spirit of Halloween, I'd like to share it for Flashback Friday.

We've all heard the typical complaints about Americans who travel - they're loud, gluttonous, and dear goodness, they wear tennis shoes on a daily basis! Yeah, yeah whatever. As someone who will someday be a member of a real "Finer Things Club," I know that none of those rude comments apply to an American traveller such as myself.

But because I am so generous, so kind, and so deeply invested in improving the American image overseas, I'd like to defend those of you who do resemble the typical American tourist.

How dare Europeans poke fun at American women who resemble Homer Simpson in mom jeans when the majority of their population insults us by wearing these:

(Picture courtesy of our cruise earlier this year)

I understand that we all want to be comfortable and relaxed on our vacations, but seriously? If you are going to block my view of the beautiful ocean I would prefer you to resemble Daniel Craig.

Exhibit A (or should I say B, for Bond?):

Even Daniel Craig knows he can't rock "triangle pants" and he tastefully goes for the boy short option. Thank you DC, you have brought both a strong argument and an undeniable hotness to my blog.

Let's compare DC with my lobster-looking-triangle-pant-wearing friend in the photo I took above. Americans, why do we stand for this? Why do we allow Europeans to poke fun at our love of McDonalds and Keds, when they themselves are a walking fashion disaster on our most beloved beaches? I say, stand up for yourself - heck, stand up for all of the Kevin Federlines out there and fight back! Terrorist threats from the Middle East? Puh-lease! What about the serious threats from the "triangle pants" in Europe? It's full-on global disaster people, and we as Americans need to step up and save the world. (It's our job, you know.)

You may think I am exaggerating my experience with Mr. Triangle Pants on my cruise. And if he was my only problem with my vacation last year I might agree with you, that is, if I wasn't scarred for life.

But Mr. Triangle Pants was not my only brush with insanity on my cruise.

I was forced to be in the vicinity of this unholy man:

Children, women and delicate men, please avert your eyes.

We'll call him "pantalons triangle de laches," which is French for loose-fitting triangle pants.

Here's a question for you:

What is worse than "triangle pants?"

Answer: Loose-fitting triangle pants while playing ping-pong against my husband.

Poor Nick, he just wanted to play ping-pong with Ryan and instead he got stuck playing "ball" with a French-speaking weirdo. (PUN INTENDED) I even tried to back the guy up at first. I love the French, their culture, their food, everything! But it was a sad day for the Francais let me tell you, and not even I can defend this vulgar behavior.

I have re-lived one of the most horrific moments of my life to defend those who are most made fun of - American tourists. And I say to all of you out there - do not let anyone tarnish the American image when we are under attack of the "triangle pants."

Fight back. (And please do so while wearing Keds and mom jeans.)

I will make one final point before leaving to see my therapist.

Yes, "triangle pants" have made us all wonder, "Is he European or gay?"

The answer?

Probably both.

Herb Garden Inspiration

I love the idea of an indoor windowsill herb garden. Since Nick hates the kitchen/gardening I'm spearheading this issue in our home.

We have an awesome window above our kitchen sink where I have a beautiful view of ... the building next door.

Why not spruce it up with some herbs? Plus, then I won't have to buy them at the store unless I'm using something random like tarragon. I'm thinking basil, cilantro, thyme, parsley, and dill - those are the ones I seem to use most in my cooking. I am however working on developing a cilantro-inspired deodorant since its my favorite smell in the entire world.

Would I be weird if I habitually smelled like cilantro?

On second thought, that probably wouldn't work since Nick hates cilantro. (I know what you're thinking - how does he even LIVE?!)

Anyway, here are some ideas that I could actually make a reality in our budget-friendly two-bedroom apartment.

Herbs in cups and bowls. I like that the herbs are written on the front of the dishes. Simple. However, its not that uniform and I'm a little obsessed with symmetry.

The tins are cute. Not sure where I would find them though. Any tea drinkers out there want to donate some tins to my cause? (I also picked this picture because the cilantro is front and center in the Earl Grey tin.)

I also love the idea of installing a simple shelf. And I'm loving the traditional clay pots.

This is the one I'm leaning towards right now. I could spray paint some mason jars and add some color to my (ugly) kitchen.

Hopefully in a week or two I will be able to post pictures featuring the fruits of my labor.

In the meantime, you should check out Petunia Boy's blog - where is he when I need him?

See you tomorrow for FF...

New Girl

Have you heard of the show New Girl?

I peed my pants while watching the pilot, and not in an I-just-had-a-baby-this-is-embarrassing kind of way but in a this-is-hilarious-kind-of-way.

Plus in the next life, I want to be as quirky and pretty as Zooey Deschanel.

Do yourself a favor and go watch it on Hulu.

PS. You better believe I made dinner while rocking' out to Death Cab. (ZD is married to Ben Gibbard)

A Very Long Post

Many of you probably wonder if Evie ever gets upset.

The answer? Not really. (Please don't hate me)

This is her mad face.

She usually does it when I take too many pictures of her. However, this face deserves to be photographed so ironically, I take more pictures when she does it.

Lately, when I ask her to smile she makes this face.

And when I laugh, she usually does this.

She is still obsessed with Nick. It is adorable. She has discovered that she can now touch people's faces. In turn, I have discovered that I HAVE to cut her nails everyday or I look like I spent the night with Wolverine.

Like her Mom, Evie loves fall and everything that comes with it, including butternut squash.

She has also discovered that she can blow bubbles. Sometimes I hear her playing in her crib, blowing bubbles to herself when she should be napping.

Still loves chewing on everything. Her top three things to chew on include:

1) Her hands

2) People's shirts

3) Sophie la giraffe

Last week we went to visit the Burnetts in Portland for Wonder Woman's Birthday. More on that to come, but I had to share a few pics.

Cole's "angelic" smile.

Ally's equally "angelic" smile. (Love that face!)

Brother/Sister love.

More love.

Yeah, they love each other.

On our way up to Burnetts, we couldn't figure out why Evie was so quiet all the sudden. I assumed she had just fallen to sleep. When we got out of the car, we found her like this. Nick was able to have an "I-told-you-so-moment" as he told me that Evie's headbands get in her way constantly.

My response? "At least she's sleeping."

Evie has also mastered many yoga poses with ease and strength.

Exhibit A: "Happy Baby Pose"

Exhibit B: "Boat Pose"

*Ev had a huge blowout all over the changing table and I laid her on the floor while I tried to clean up the mess. She looked so cute hanging out on the floor that I had to take a picture. However, when I picked her up I noticed she had peed all over the floor. Lesson learned. *

The law wives club had our first recipe group meeting in September. I was in charge of dessert, for which I made these.

Cruffles in chocolate, german chocolate, and pumpkin. The pumpkin ones were delicious. (Thank you Ina!) You can find the recipe here.

Project Apartment is well underway. After almost two months in our apartment I have accomplished this:

I have made one pillow. Yay me! Here is the tutorial.

So the apartment is coming along slowly, but I'm having fun with it. We got permission to paint one wall in each room as long as it was neutral, pastel, or light colored. It has been difficult to decide on a color for any of the walls since I am not really a pastel girl. I was hoping to paint our family room a plum purple. That's a no-go unfortunately, so we painted our family room a light purplish-grey-brown. Wow, that sounds ugly! Once we finish decorating in the family room I'll post some pics, but for now you can ponder how disgusting it looks with the purplish-grey-brown color I described. I promise its not ugly, despite being described that way.

Ev and Dad watching football together. Nick is convinced she loves football. I am convinced she just loves TV. Only time will tell who is right.

In case you are wondering, Ev's eyes are still blue and I'm almost positive they will stay that way.

We've had a great conference weekend. Fall is truly my favorite time of the year and I hope I don't get punched for saying this, but October conference is superior to April Conference in my mind. I just love the weather, food, decorations, etc. surrounded with autumn time and Conference is a wonderful addition to all of that. And I absolutely loved Elaine Dalton's talk about Fatherhood/Daughters. If you missed Conference or are simply interested in what makes the Jordan family so happy, click here.

Can it just be Conference every Sunday? I would weigh 500 pounds if that were the case, so I guess I should be thankful that I don't make sticky buns every Sunday.

Oh, and I just have to get this off my chest. You can call me a heretic, but seriously MoTab? The Pepto Bismal colored "gowns" were by far THE WORST you have ever dressed. You sound beautiful and you radiate the spirit with music, but your outfits were so distracting! And not in a good way! Phew! I just had to say that.

Can't wait for the November Ensign!

Polar Bear

Everything I've learned about polar bears says they are dangerous, mean, and ferocious. They have gnarly teeth, huge claws, and they are anything but cuddly.

Today I met a polar bear that defies all my previous knowledge. She is sweet, almost toothless, and when her mom remembers completely clawless.

Oh, and did I mention I spent a whole day watching conference and cuddling with this polar bear?