Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Normal Defined!

So my wife thinks I am crazy as noted in her many previous posts and while I do not contest that it may be partially true, I do feel that I must explain my reasons for thinking that I do carry a NORMAL life most of the time. When I look at people around me that I think are NORMAL, I often take note of those activities that they are doing, and vice versa for those who I deem not NORMAL. Allow me to give specific examples.

Darrell, despite his gifted powers as superhero Petunia Boy, lives a NORMAL life working in the profession of law and enjoys spending his free time engaging in such activities as getting lost in the woods to prove his navigational skills to his family or descending from an ice wall without full knowledge of whether his rope will be long enough. This is NORMAL.

My mother, who works in the ER everyday dealing with trauma and stress, will often find herself watching the ER channel (who ever would of thought they would have one of those) for sheer pleasure after spending 12 hours already that same day dealing with it firsthand. Case and point…not NORMAL.

Sydney fills her free time by enclosing herself in a 7 foot by 2 foot room known to her as the place where all “magic” happens (aka. “the kitchen”). In this room that in no way possible can fit two people simultaneously, or open the dishwasher and oven at the same time, Sydney truly creates “magical” potions of which my stomach has not once denied. Sydney has many tools and appliances to help her in her potion making, most of which I am convinced are more dangerous than any ice axe, and yet produce items far tastier than anything an ice axe could. I must pose the question, is it normal for a person to spend hours upon hours in this same room that would cause many to feel the influence of claustrophobia and actually enjoy it? To that I must say nay! It is not NORMAL! (At his point I must state my disclaimer. Without her love for this favorite room of hers and passion for what she does within it, I would surely starve.) I have seen Sydney in a church kitchen with four other women and I must admit that in that moment I was the one who was probably not considered NORMAL with my dislike for the art of cooking. I have also seen the opposite when I am amongst many climbers in Rock Canyon all looking to scale the many walls within. It is in those moments that I, with all my adventure-driven hobbies, am NORMAL. My point being, NORMAL is relative.

Now last weekend was the man’s weekend. Hyrum and I headed out to conquer Deseret peak (1 hour west of Salt Lake). With our backpacks loaded, we reluctantly said goodbye to our wives (who seemed to practically be pushing us out the door) and drove to the beginning of our adventure. I will spare specific details, since everyone short of Brent, Shea and Darrell probably does not want to hear the long version. We endured through a washed out road that we had to hike around, Hyrum cutting himself with an axe and a thunderstorm, which ultimately led to us breaking down camp at around midnight and hiking back out. Back to the point at hand, this sort of thing, I am convinced, is what most would consider NORMAL.

Now please feel free to agree or disagree as to my state of NORMALNESS, but we must all agree that NORMAL truly is completely relative.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


My husband is the definition of normal. I'm sure you are all dying for me to explain.

Me: Babe, why don't we get rid of all the bricks in the back of the truck?
Normal husband: I use them.
Me: For what?
Normal husband: When I hike the Y, I put them in my backpack.
Normal husband: It makes me stronger.
Me: Okay.

Literally five minutes later.

Normal husband: I got bit by a snake today!
Normal husband: Don't worry. It only got my sock. That's why I wear tall socks with my hiking boots.

For anyone considering being in fashion, I think it would be best if you stopped right where you are and pulled out your old Champion tall socks. (Darcee I am talking to you) My husband has produced a much more important use for them - protecting against snake bites.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Snick in the Sand

We have finally resumed normal life.
Wait, I should probably throw out that huge pile of boxes in our living room.
And maybe try returning some of the gifts that seem to have come from...Guam.
Or I could even try writing some Thank  you's.

But I'm going to blog instead. According to Dad, blog is a verb and verbs are what I do. So here it goes.

Following the best wedding of my life Nick and I were able to enjoy the best honeymoon of our life! I keep telling Nick that next time we get married we will have to do something crazy. He says that I already am crazy and one crazy wedding was enough for him. As long as he proposes in the "Skyroom" next time, I'll be one satisfied woman. Darc, won't you be jealous? 

So following the exhausting festivities Nick drugged me (I have a hard time not getting sick/falling asleep on airplanes) with something between Nyquil, a muscle relaxant, and probably Vycodin. I couldn't feel my limbs, but I didn't notice because I was too busy drooling all over Nick's shoulder. Once again, my husband is a very patient man. Everyone in front of us was clapping about our wonderful marriage, or so I'm told. Nick was forced to tell them all about "my perfect wedding" while I left cheek marks on the window.

Our flight arrived at five in the morning in Ft. Lauderdale and we tried to sleep some more in the airport. After a brief battle with hypothermia, we decided to check in to Carnival and get on our cruise ship! It was very exciting (once my drugs wore off).

The whole trip was just amazing. It was hot, sandy, and all-inclusive! Nick ate our body weight combined in strawberry soft serve and I kept the french fry man in business. We are a cruise ship's dream. We ate non-stop all the time and Nick enjoyed free room service at least twice a day. 11 PM = Triple chocolate cake and three cartons of milk. 

Since it was my first cruise, Nick decided to show me the ropes. Naturally, we started with the Casino. The rule was we could each spend $20 dollars. Unfortunately, Nick gambled all his money away at the Blackjack table within an hour. But not me! I chose to play Roulette, which for those of you who don't know, is the game for people who ask too many questions. I kept asking how to play and the man sitting next to me says, "put your chips on the table and wait. If it lands on your number you win, if not - you loose." Thankfully, it was simple enough for a rookie like me and I walked away with $68! Everyone thought I was crazy for walking away from such a hot table, but I decided I wanted to leave as the big dog. We also enjoyed a fun night of karaoke where Nick serenaded a group of senior ladies who seemed way too attracted to my new husband. I vetoed the situation and we left the karaoke bar too soon for Nick's taste. 

The cruise had three stops, Key West, Grand Cayman, and Jamaica. We swam with stingrays, SHARKS, yes I said sharks, and climbed a waterfall. It was the most fun vacation that Nick and I have ever had! The best part was coming back to our room and finding cute little animals made out of towels. We would try to guess what the animals would be, but our little maids always out-smarted us. I kept telling Nick that he couldn't use the towels because they were just too cute. He would then emphasize beheading all the elephants, monkeys, and swans right in my face. Our children will probably be violent. As long as they aren't animals lovers, that's okay with me.